Humor and stories for interpreters: General Deaf humor and musings

David Bar-Tzur

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Interpreters herding Deaf people

Terps' Ranch, Tony Landon McGregor

This satiric cartoon represents the artist's Deaf perspective on sign-language interpreters. Two interpreters are portrayed as cowboys or ranchers overseeing a herd of deaf cows and bulls. The terps see them as numbers and count them to imagine how much they can "rope in" in a day. Most interpreters get paid $25 an hour, which can add up to $200 daily. Many skilled interpreters earn much more than equally skilled Deaf people do, including (and especially) ASL teachers. Many Deaf people resent interpreters taking Deaf people for granted and not giving something back to the Deaf community.

Cued speech users perform on horses

Cued Speech Circus Act, Tony Landon McGregor

This cartoon satirizes Cued Speech. A ringmaster drums up support for Cued Speech, championing it as a method of instruction in schools serving D/deaf children. Deaf clowns perform a brilliant horse act by going in opposite directions while using Cued Speech.

Cued Speech is an artificial system of manual cues that "display" vowels. It's used as an aid to speechreading. The cues, which are made near the mouth, have no relation to signs or fingerspelling. Many Deaf people resent the use of CS in schools. They prefer that ASL be used and taught instead, along with written English.

ASLmediaLLC. (2006, June 26). McImplant. Starring - Tom Neville.

4jsabc's Videos.signing handsWebmaster: See especially "ASL Laughs" stories.

Deaf funny videos.signing hands

Illuminated letter Jump! (thanks to Daniel Bevan)

An old time jumps trainer employs the services of a younger jumps jockey for the first time on a horse that is having its first start over the fences. He assures the young rider that if he follows his instructions, he'll get a sling from the long odds displayed by the bookies on-course.

"Jump him out, take him to the front and just bound along" said the old trainer. "A stride before each fence, shout 'JUMP' at the top of your voice, and he'll clear it still galloping." The younger jockey thinks the old bugger is one leg short of the quaddie, but assures him that he'll do as he asks.

The jump out of the gates, and working to the front he approaches the first fence. Not yelling the command, he hits the fence so hard that the horse knuckles, dislodging him from the saddle. Staying aboard and putting it down to a mistake on the horse's behalf, when approaching the second jump, he still refuses to yell 'jump' at the next fence. Needless to say, the horse knocks the fence down, and somehow the rider manages to stay in the saddle.

By the time he realises that there may have been some merit in the trainer's commands, he has lost considerable ground, and is now twenty lengths off the pace. From here, he starts to shout "jump" to the horse, and the horse makes up fifteen of the twenty lengths by the home turn. Approaching the last jump a length off the leader, the horse ends up losing by a nose in a photo.

When returning to the scale, the jockey sees that the trainer is furious. "Didn't you yell jump like I told you?" he asks. "I did, your horse must be deaf" insisted the rider. "Deaf? Deaf? The horse is bloody blind you idiot!"

- Oz horse racing jokes.

Illuminated letter Is deafness-induced panic attacks considered to be the same as deafphobia? It seriously affects some hearing people who are clueless on how to deal with a deaf person? Some counterclerks would freeze in their tracks, not knowing what to do upon being informed of customer's deafness? Some workplace employees constantly point at something on the wall, hoping that the deaf employee would instantly understand what is being said. Some people would wave away the deaf person hoping he would simply just go away. And so on. So, is deafness-induced panic attack the same as deafphobia?

- Barry Strassler in DeafDigest Blue - August 14, 2005

Illuminated letter There was a man who was touring old Spain for vacation. He came to this antique store and decided to check it out. While looking around, he saw a violin with a cheap tag. He asked the shopkeeper about it and was told that it has an ability to make all living things sleep when it is played. The man looked at the shopkeeper thinking that it's not true considering the fact that it's cheap. He went ahead and purchased the violin. He headed outside and began playing. Suddenly, people around him begain to sleep. He thought this was odd so he stopped and went elsewhere. He played his violin again and more people began to fall asleep. He even noticed that dogs and cats were falling asleep too. He decided to try it one more time so he walked elsewhere and tried again. He still got the same results. This got him excited.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a poster advertising a bullfighting competition. They were offering a huge cash award to anyone who could stop a bull during a bullfight. He decided to go for it... using his violin. Now, he's in the stadium... with his violin in hand. Suddenly, the bull started approaching him. He calmly began playing his violin. The bull kept running. He begin playing his violin faster. The bull kept approaching closer. He got a bit nervous and begain playing faster and faster as the bull approached closer. At the last minute, he was playing really fast... but that did not stop the bull and the bull attacked. He lost. He got upset about the violin so he dropped it and jumped on it out of anger. Moments later, the owner of the bull approached this man and said, "Sir, sorry about your violin! Umm... the bull is deaf."

Stained glass bulletDeafJoke.TV >> Cheap & Deaf Friendly Fire Detector.

Stained glass bulletGlickman, K. (11 October 2206). "Pot" - An ABC Story by Ken Glickman.signing handsKen, as "Prof. Glick" in his classic DEAFology 101 comedy performance, signs a story using the handshapes of each letter of the alphabet. For more info, see his web site at www.deafology.com.

stained glass bulletDavid, J. (2007, February 28). Ping pong.signing handsA Deaf Joke.

Illuminated letter There's this deaf couple who recently got married and headed out for their honeymoon. They stayed at this hotel during their honeymoon. While in their room, they had hours of fun. Later during the evening, the husband realized that he had left something in the car so he decided to go to the car to get it. He left the room, headed downstairs, and then headed for his car. After getting what he left in the car, he headed back to his room. Suddenly, he realized that he didn't remember which room he lived in. After a few moments, he headed back outside to his car and did one thing that came to mind. He began honking his horn loudly for a few moments. Suddenly, all the lights on the hotel went on as people were waking up from the sound of the horn. However, one light did not go on. "Bingo!" the man thought, "That's my room!"

Illuminated letter There was this deaf man who was driving home from work. As he arrived to his neighborhood, he noticed that people were waving at him as he drove by. All the way through his neighborhood, every single person was waving at him. When he finally got home, he got out of the car to see his wife standing at the door waiting for him. "Honey, you're not gonna believe this! Everyone is really friendly today! They waved at me the whole time I drove through the neighborhood!" said the deaf man. The wife replied, 'No, your horn's stuck."

Illuminated letter This deaf dude was flying on a United Airlines flight, and when the airline attendants dispensed the drinks and snacks, he signed THANK-YOU to one of them. She came back to him after a while and said that he could have what was left over, another drink. He signed THANK-YOU.

When the plane landed and he was at the plane's exit, she came to him and said, "You have been blowing kisses at me for hours now, What do you intend to do about it?"

stained glass bulletMichele's Sign Language & Deaf Culture Site! Deaf jokes.

Illuminated letter A Deaf giant is walking through a village of little people, destroying everything in his path. The townspeople are frantically running everywhere, trying to escape being crushed by the giant. Suddenly the giant sees a beautiful blonde girl running down one of the streets and scoops her up in his hand. He looks at the terrified girl in his hand and immediately falls in love with her. "You are the most beautiful girl I have ever seen in my life," the giant says. "I think we should MARRY". When he makes the sign for MARRY, the girl is crushed to death. The giant looks sadly at the dead girl in his hand and wistfully remarks "I guess oralism really is better."

Illuminated letter A man named John is watching Al Gore make a speech on TV and John is getting very frusterated.

John - STOP MAKING FUN OF AL GORE!

His friend Bret came in and asked him what was wrong.

John - Al Gore is trying to make a speech, and that man behind him is mocking him and moving his hands all around. Now I'm not very political, but that is just rude.

Bret - You stupid fool. He is not making fun of Al Gore, he is doing that for the deaf people.

John - Oh... What do deaf people have against Al Gore?

Illuminated letter A man went into a bar after work one day, and after a beer or two he noticed a deaf man passed out in the corner. After an hour or so, the fellow was still very drunk and incoherent, so, being a nice guy, the first man decided to take him home. He looked up the drunk's address in his wallet, then started struggling to get the man out to his car. Dragging, heaving, and finally carrying the deaf man, he finally reached his car.

Then the process had to be repeated in front of the drunk's house. At last the nice guy got the deaf man up to the door and rang the bell, which was prompytly answered by a pleasant-looking woman. "Oh thanks you so much for bring my son home!" she said. "But where's his wheelchair?"

stained glass bulletDeafDC.com. The most hilarious deaf videos ever. Posted by Adam Stone on Thu 1 Jun 2006. There's been so much discussion of supposed "divisions" within the deaf community lately (oral vs. ASL, educated vs. grassroots etc.) that it's all gone into sheer absurdity. Filmmaker Wayne Betts, Jr., apparently agrees, and developed three knee-slappin'-funny videos illustrating excellent caricatures of pretty much all of these "divisions." As a friend said, they're "genius-funny." Need a good, hard laugh? (1) Deaf Power, (2) Funny Joke, (3) Me Is The Good.

Illuminated letter Three little deaf pigs

The first pig built a house of straw.
The wolf came.
He yelled for the pig to come out.
The pig could not hear him.
The wolf blew down the house and ate the pig.

The second pig built a house of sticks.
The wolf came.
He yelled for the pig to come out.
The pig could not hear him.
He thought it was a tornado.
The wolf blew down the house and ate the pig.

The third pig built a brick house-with flashing lights and all the necessary deaf devices.
The wolf ran the bell and the lights flashed.
They called the zoo, using the TTY Relay Service.
A zoo keeper came and put the wolf in a sign language class.
The wolf learned to communicate and became friends with the pigs.

Illuminated letter Boy: Did you know the most intelligent kid in our class is deaf?
Girl: That's unfortunate.
Boy: What did you say?

Superman Sordo. Humor 2007. Several countries are represented here, including the U.S.

Illuminated letter Lawyer: (writing) "I am sorry, I can't afford to pay for the sign language interpreter in my office. Can you read my lips?"

Deafie: (writing) "Huh? Me sorry, I don't accept no sign language interpreter in your office. Can you read my hands?"

Illuminated letter I noticed a deaf couple in the library talking to each other, evidently in a heated argument. The wife was getting more upset, using large signs, her husband could see that she was upset. Finally, he took both her hands in his, and signed, "Honey, you don't have to yell, I am not blind!"

Illuminated letter A man sat on a train chewing gum and staring vacantly into space, when suddenly an old woman sitting opposite said, "It's no good you talking to me, young man, I'm stone deaf!"

Illuminated letter Why can't the deaf teacher be sent to prison? Because you can't condemn someone without a hearing.

Illuminated letter What do you call a deaf teacher?

Anything you like, he can't hear you.

stain<P><IMG SRC=DeafJoke.tv This website is not focusing on videos only. You can send in cartoon strips, images, ASL poetry, and/or text part of the joke that is funny. Funny & Joke Video, Amazing Video, ASL Poetry Video, ASL Storytelling Video, Text Joke, ASL music and/or song, and Much more!

stained glass bulletSchroeder, C. (2007, March 27). Scatology in SLCC: ASL and Deaf culture. Carl Schroeder compares two places, Primate House and SLCC, in which humor referring to excrement can be told.

Illuminated letter British Sign Language (Warning X-rated!)

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his dreams across the dance floor. Having admired her from a far he finally gets up the courage to talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees to accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.

Saturday night the man arrives at her house with flowers and candy. To his surprise, she answers the door in nothing but a towel. "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come in and I'll introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish getting dressed. I should warn you, though, they are both deaf mutes."

With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to her parents and promptly disappears. As you can imagine, this is a little uncomfortable, as both of the parents are completely silent. Dad is sitting in his armchair watching cricket on TV, and Mum is busy knitting.

After about ten minutes of complete silence, Mum jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt, pulls down her knickers, and pours a glass of water over her backside. Just as suddenly, Dad launches himself across the room, bends her over the couch, and takes her from behind. He then sits back down in his chair and balances a match stick in front of his eye.

The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man is shocked into disbelief. After a further ten minutes, the daughter returns fully dressed and ready for the evening.

The date is a complete disaster with the young man completely distracted by the on goings earlier in the living room. At the end of the night, the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have I done something wrong?"

"No, it's not you," he replied, "It's just that the strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am still a bit shocked. Well, first your Mother jumps from her chair, lifts up her skirt, pulls down her panties, and throws a glass of water over her behind. Then, as if that weren't enough, your Father races from his chair, leans her over the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and places a match-stick by his eye."

"Oh, is that all?" replies the girl. The man can't believe her casual response.

"Mum was simply saying, 'Are you going to get this asshole a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, f**k him - I'm watching the match.'"

Stained glass bulletCollegeIdiots Production. The Quick and the Deaf.signing hands Howdy partner! Awesome news about the wild wild west, two Gallaudet Deaf students having a old fashion duel and the best part it's all in Sign Langauge. Use your imagination to understand the duel. Made at Gallaudet University.

stained glass bulletDeaf Jam 04': Whose sign is it anyway?signing hands A version of Whose line is it anyway? It was performed by Deaf Drama Club of White Station High.

Illuminated letter You know you're Deaf when...

You know you're a Deafie when you can have a conversation without making a sound.
You know you're a Deafie when you own a vibrator....that's not for THAT use.
You know you're a Deafie when you like to make your aids produce feedback to drive hearies crazy.
You know you're a Deafie when things you own make no sound, but vibrate, flash, light, etc.
You know you're a Deafie when you're watching a television show and the sound blanks out for a second, and you automaticly turn up the volumne on your hearing aids.
You know you're a Deafie when you're woken up at night by a flashing light and your first thought isn't..."Have aliens landed?"
You know you're a Deafie when you knock on a hearing friends' door and don't hear them say "Come in" so you either leave (and then later find out that they WERE home) or continue knocking on the door.
You know you're a Deafie when you're an adult, but decided to get colored hearing aids and earmolds so you won't look like an old person, and b/c they didn't have them when you were a kid!
You know you're a Deafie when hearing people ask you if you're from a forigen country b/c of your "deaf voice."
You know you're a Deafie when someone tells you you speechread/lipread well and you reply "What did you say?"
You know you're a Deafie if you've ever wore a body worn aid or a body worn auditory trainer with that sexy harness!
You know you're a Deafie when you're the only one who slept through that earthquake/thunderstorm/person falling off their bunk/windstorm/noisy event last night.
You know you're a Deafie when you tap people on the shoulder to "call" them or say "hi"
You know you're a Deafie when you turn your hearing aids/CI off on people when you get mad at them

- DeafDyke.

Illuminated letter Deaf and hearing man go hunting (Warning! X-Rated)

Deaf man, he loves to hunt deer in the forest. One day, he need a company to keep him busy and decided to make a ADV. That who would be gladly to go hunt with him. By the week, hearing man came by and told him that he loves hunting too. So, both of them went to hunt. Both 'em walking all the morning and see no sign of deer. Deaf man felt that he needs to sh*t as with hearing man felt the same thing. They walked up to each other and told the same thing to each other. Then they walked different way in seperate ways. When both of them sh*tting.. deaf man wondered what's hearing man's sh*t looks like... hearing man wondered what's deaf man's sh*t looks like. After they finished, asked each other the same question about what's their sh*t looks like. So..deaf went to hearing..hearing went to deaf.

Deaf man saw hearing's sh*t is all over the place. Hearing man saw deaf man's sh*t is like a smooth Dairy Queen ice cream whip on the top of the point. They went back to eachother and asked why there's weird sh*t, both 'em.

Hearing: all over the place. Because when he's sh*tting and he hear someting. He moves to another place and again, again, again... Deaf: ice cream. Because deaf man can't hear anything. So, he swirling up while he's sh*tting and looking for a deer.

Stained glass bulletLaird, Jr. G. (10 September 2006). Deaf-related joke video.signing hands

stained glass bullet(2006, May 08). The intelligence of Gally students. BnB tests the intelligence of Gallaudet University's students - this random survey took place a few years ago.

Illuminated letter The twelve days of Deafness

On the first day of Deafness my true love gave to me... a closed caption color TV.

On the second day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the third day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the fourth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the fifth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the sixth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the seventh day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the eighth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 8 maids a miming, 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the ninth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 9 relay agents, 8 maids a miming, 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the tenth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 10 lights a flashing, 9 relay agents, 8 maids a miming, 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the eleventh day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 11 bluffers bluffing, 10 lights a flashing, 9 relay agents, 8 maids a miming, 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

On the twelfth day of Deafness my true love gave to me... 12 mumblers mumbling, 11 bluffers bluffing, 10 lights a flashing, 9 relay agents, 8 maids a miming, 7 swans a signing, 6 geese a guessing, 5 TTY's! 4 writing pads, 3 felt pens, 2 signal dogs, and a closed caption color TV.

Illuminated letter Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.

The first deaf man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."

The second deaf man signed back, "Boy, you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."

The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"

The second deaf man replied, "I just turned out the light!"

- Michael K. Martin

stained glass bulletWatching two worlds collide. Technology ruined Deaf culture. A skit about Deaf Pizza night. Keith Wann is an acclaimed American Sign Language (ASL) performing artist who has been captivating and amusing audiences with his controlled chaos and total pandemonium explosions on stage, often leaving his laughing audiences gasping for breath. As a Child of Deaf Adults (CODA), he has traveled all over the nation performing for ASL students, various Deaf Communities and other warped CODAs like himself.

[Illuminated letter Webmaster's note - During a discussion of babies and sign language, the following exchange took place between James Womack and Jeff Pollock:]

...(my daughter used) one finger to denote 'water' instead of three fingers.
- James

My baby girl started off signing what looks like 'bitch' for water! ;-) She's now 1.5 y/o and uses the right handshape for water.
- Jeff

So for a while, you were your daughter's bitch? :-D Ah, sometimes I think all we dads are, the way our little princesses whittle money, some dress to die for, and other stuff from us.
- James

Well, my wife and I did joke about it and say stuff like "KAYLAH BITCHIN AGAIN" to mean she's thirsty, or "WHERE BITCH?" to mean where's her bottle?, etc. Remember those "Where's the beef?" commercials from Wendy's? :-)
- Jeff

Illuminated letter Eternity starts when?

About a month ago, I was leading worship at the Winnipeg Church of the Deaf, an interfaith congregation receiving support from the Anglican and United Churches. The readings had to do with life after death. As always, there was a dialogue after the sermon for people to ask questions and discuss concerns. One fellow, Paul, asked me a question. "You talked about afterlife; do you believe in life before you were born?"

"You've asked a sensitive question for me," I responded, "All the time I grew up in the church, we talked about God being a part of me. It is called soul or spirit. When I die, my spirit will return to God. But I've started wondering, if God is forever, and part of me is God, and my soul will be with God for eternity when I die, then where was my soul before I was born? Did eternity start in 1948?"

"Have you tried to learn about your other lives?" Paul went on.

"No. It scares me, so I don't want to. What happens if I find out I am someone I don't like?"

There was lots of laughter, then Paul said he was curious. "But what if you discovered you were Alexander Graham Bell?" Bell is not a hero in Deaf Culture. He lead the movement to stop sign language and to force deaf people to speak. Much of Deaf Culture was lost because of him. Paul and the others looked shocked and responded with appropriate jesters of horror and humour. And then Paul, an activist in the deaf community, said, "But then that would explain why I am an activist. I want to change what I did."

- Ken Delisle

Illuminated letter A man went into a bar after work one day, and after a beer or two he noticed a deaf man passed out in the corner. After an hour or so, the fellow was still very drunk and incoherent, so, being a nice guy, the first man decided to take him home. He looked up the drunk's address in his wallet, then started struggling to get the man out to his car. Dragging, heaving, and finally carrying the deaf man, he finally reached his car.

Then the process had to be repeated in front of the drunk's house. At last the nice guy got the deaf man up to the door and rang the bell, which was prompytly answered by a pleasant-looking woman. "Oh thanks you so much for bring my son home!" she said. "But where's his wheelchair?"

Illuminated letter The 3 hunters

Three hunters, Clint Eastwood, John Wayne, and a Deaf Cowboy, are gathered around a campfire. The 3 have been drinking and bragging about the virtues of their home states.

Suddenly, Clint Eastwood says, "Watch this." He opens a bottle of tequila, takes a swig, tosses it in the air, pulls out a pearl-handled revolver and shoots the bottle cleanly in two.

"It's a shame to waste that good liquor," John Wayne says.

"It's OK," Clint replies, "Where I come from, we've got plenty of that"

Not to be outdone, John Wayne pulls out a bottle of Jack Daniel's. He pulls off the cork, takes a drink, throws the bottle in the air, whips out an assault rifle and blasts the bottle, sending shards of glass everywhere.

"Shame to waste good whiskey," Clint says.

"It's OK," John says, "We've got plenty in my state."

At this point, the Deaf cowboy stands up. He pulls out a bottle of Henry's, twists off the cap and guzzels the entire beer. He throws the bottle high in the air, pulls out a shotgun, empties both barrels into John Wayne, and neatly catches the bottle.

Clint stands in SHOCK. The Deaf cowboy calmly puts the shotgun down. "It's OK," he signed "We've got plenty of hearing people in my state, besides this bottle is worth a NICKEL."

- Dan Pineda.

Illuminated letter A deaf couple were discussing at noon what to eat for dinner. The wife tells her hubby to go to the seafood market to buy 50 pds of escargots (live snails). The hubby then walks to the market, enters, buys the escargots and then leaves the market. As he walks back home, he sees a bar and decides to go there because he is thirsty for a beer and that he had plenty of time left before suppertime. Once when he is in the bar, he sits down at the bar counter and orders a beer so that he could observe people. Then, a few guys approaches the deaf man and gestures with him, buys a big pitcher of beer for them to share and they continue to gesture with the deaf man. As the hours pass by, they are still gesturing and that first pitcher of beer grows into a couple of pitchers. The deaf man then looks at his watch, and it says, 5 p.m. and realizes that he is late for suppertime. He takes the bag full of escargots with him from under the stool and then runs out of the bar.

As he runs, he bumps into a deaf chum whom he has not seen for a long time. The deaf chum invites him to go to the bar with him, but he says no, I have to go because its suppertime and my wife is waiting for me! But the deaf chum says to the deaf man, your wife is such a control freak and a nag! Besides, we haven't seen each other for a long time, so will you please come over to have some beers with me at the bar for a while? The deaf man gives in and goes over to the bar with his chum and they chat and drink some beers.But they have chatted and drank until the bar closed so the deaf man says good bye to his friend and heads for home.

He arrives home and sees that the lights are off in his house, meaning his wife is asleep. The deaf man then remembers that he forgot his house key, so he has to ring the bell. The lights turn on and then knowing that his wife can be a bitch because she can smell his beer breath. So he thinks, "What can I do?" Then a great idea pops up in his mind and he spills the snails out of the bag until they fall on the porch and are moving around. Then the wife opens the door and she looks pissed off, but the deaf man pretends to push the snails, and then says, I am sorry it took me so long, I've been pushing the snails all the way from the market. The wife then says, "O.K., but try to make the snails hurry up into the kitchen!!!"

- Stephane of Montreal, Canada.

stained glass bulletWann, K. (2006, November 28). Deaf School! - King Kong Speech Therapy.signing hands

Illuminated letter You can cut off the fingers of deaf people and they will sign with their arms, and you can cut off their arms and they will sign with their shoulders.

- (Furth, 1973).

Illuminated letter There are people who think deafness is a handicap purely because they are under the illusion that they are saying something worth hearing.

Illuminated letter Deaf people across Canada and the United States held a convention and took a vote. It was unanimous -- the oppression had become unbearable. They hired a number of space ships and set out en masse to establish a new planet -- one that would be based on their cultural norms! After flying for several years, they landed on an uninhabited planet, which they named EYEth. The language of education, politics, and media was ASL. The laws established reflected the cultural norms of the new inhabitants: police, judges, and lawyers were Deaf. Homes and businesses were arranged to maximize visual access. Children were born and things seemed ideal.

Then to the dismay of all, a child was born who could hear! Specialists were brought in and tests conducted, but it seemed nothing could be done to eliminate this unexpected disability. The child was sent to special schools and was required to wear large ear muffs, which emitted "white noise" and a mouth piece to prevent inadvertent utterance of spoken words. Still, in the privacy of his home or when he thought no one was looking, the child spoke and reacted to sounds around him. One day, scientists from the EYEth space program contacted the parents with good news.

They had discovered a distant planet where there were others like their child. With mixed feelings, the parents sent their son to EARth.

Illuminated letter My hearing aid helps me hear about as well as my neighbor's walker helps her run.

stained glass bulletwhosam. (2006, December 17). homemade home-based aljazeera with Sign language interpreter. Webmaster: This was recorded in the US and satirizes how Al Jazeera (a television network headquartered in Doha, Qatar) sometimes has a Sign Language interpreter.

Illuminated letter One day, two men where in a bus traveling to a magic mountain. It was reported that at that mountain if you got to the top that you could be healed! As they were driving they could see the mountain in view. The bus came to a stop. The first man, who was in a wheelchair, started for the top. He kept on pushing his way. Finally, he arrived at the top, and he stood up, walked a few steps, threw his wheelchair over the edge, and ran down to the bus yelling he was healed!!! The next man heard what was happening and he got out of the bus. He took out his cane as he was blind and made his way to the top. When he arrived, he threw his cane over the edge, because he too was healed! Down he ran to the bus. The driver saw what was happening and he decided to give it a try. He and his interpreter, as the driver was Deaf, made their way to the top. After a short while the driver came back down. The other men asked if he was healed. The driver explained, "I don't need a healing. I'm very happy being Deaf, but I was getting really sick of my interpreter, and I threw her over the edge."

- Dorrie Meyer

Illuminated letter Three Little Deaf Pigs

The first pig built a house of straw.
The wolf came.
He yelled for the pig to come out.
The pig could not hear him.
The wolf blew down the house and ate the pig.

The second pig built a house of sticks.
The wolf came.
He yelled for the pig to come out.
The pig could not hear him.
He thought it was a tornado.
The wolf blew down the house and ate the pig.

The third pig built a brick house-with flashing lights and all the necessary deaf devices.
The wolf ran the bell and the lights flashed.
They called the zoo, using the TTY Relay Service.
A zoo keeper came and put the wolf in a sign language class.
The wolf learned to communicate and became friends with the pigs.

Illuminated letter If a deaf person swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

Illuminated letter Doy: Did you know the most intelligent kid in our class is deaf?

Girl: That's unfortunate.

Boy: What did you say?

Illuminated letter Did Closed Captions lose out in Laurel, MD? Well, a thoroughbred by that name lost a race recently as Laurel Park.

Illuminated letter One day a blind man goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asks the barber about his bill. "I am sorry, I cannot accept money from you I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The blind man is pleased and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.

Later a man in wheelchair comes in for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber, and the barber replies: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The wheelchair man is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a box of dozen muffins waiting at his door.

A deaf man comes for a hair cut and when he asks the barber what he owes, the barber wrote on paper: "I am sorry I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service for handicapped this week." The deaf man is very happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, a dozen deaf people are lined up waiting for a free haircut.

Illuminated letter I always think that sign grows from the children. They see things so clearly, so freshly; we are old and "cultured". Their Sign is like clouds in the fresh blue sky: dynamic, without bias. The clouds appear and grow and disappear on the horizon and in the sky as they want to appear and as they are needed. We are old, you and I. We are cultured, educated, perhaps too influenced by the Hearing. Our skin is wrinkled. Theirs, the young Deaf, is so fresh and young. New visions, new signs. We must cheer them on, and let them go. Sit back and watch maybe. But tell the Hearing to get away. I hate the Hearing for they try to control us. Out of their fear, they torture and imprison us. The Hearing fear the beauty and originality of our Sign. They label us so constantly, always Initializing us. Always wordifying us. I hate them. I hate their words and their names. We see things so clearly, and they always mix us up!! They are so controlling in their apathy towards the Deaf. They think they know all of the world, but really they just want to make it easier for them to understand our communication and write "important papers" about it and make money off of us and get more power.

I believe we must go back to the children always, and use the signs that they create, and see through their eyes to help us see the world the way it really is for us the Deaf. We have become too much Hearing!! We must struggle to always maintain our Deaf Integrity. It is Hard. But it is very beautiful because it is our own. They cannot take it from us.

- Petr Schneider (Argentina)

stained glass bulletGallo, J.signing hands

golden marble bullet(2007, March 23). College dorm - Deaf joke.

golden marble bullet(2007, February 20). Deaf joke 2. Paying attention in church.

golden marble bullet(2007, April 05). Worst day ever - Deaf Joke. The wrong man killed.

Illuminated letter A Deaf A to Z way of welcoming Y2K

A - All deaf people are first class citizens

B - Be patient in communications

C - Communication needs are a priority with the deaf

D - Deafness is nothing to be ashamed of

E - E-mail has shrunk the Deaf World

F - Fax machines have also shrunk our Deaf World

G - Go and be what we want to be is the goal of all deaf

H - Hard of hearing needs are also important

I - Interpreters to be fully available all the time

J - Just be patient is what we tell hearing people

K - Kill all stereotypes hearing people have of us

L - Let us show the world what we can do

M - Movies, all of them, need to be captioned

N - No more discrimination against the Deaf

O - Operas should have sign language sopranos

P - Protect all our rights and needs as deaf citizens

Q - Quit hiding our deafness

R - Ready to show the hearing world what we can do

S - See what we, the deaf, can do in all areas

T - TV programs, all of them, need to be captioned

U - U-turns should not be the route for ambitious deaf

V - Value ourselves as deaf individuals

W - Weitbrecht forever changed our way of life

X - X is the spot where we and hearing meet half ways

Y - Year by year will usher in better things for the deaf

Z - Zoos to be fully accessible to the deaf

Illuminated letter Teach your child to sign - for there is no finer gift than a hand-me-down.

- Ken Glickman, Deaf proverbs

Illuminated letter Customers of a pharmaceutical company were constantly being pestered for testimonials to use in promoting the firm's products. Finally one senior citizen decided he'd had enough.

"I've been totally deaf for the last fifteen years", he wrote. "But after using your ointment for only two weeks, I heard from my brother in Phoenix."

- Herm Albright in "Laughter, the best medicine", featured in Reader's Digest.

Illuminated letter Huh?

(This item spotted recently in Jack Rosenbaum's column in the San Francisco Progress)

This Super Typo was caught in an ad for Dahlberg Premium Miracle Ear, a hearing device: "No tubes, no wires simply slip it in your rear."

Maybe grandma can't hear because she's wearing hers in the wrong place.

Lastly. . .

Red Skeleton used to tell the one about the little boy who uses sign language. One day he told his mother a dirty joke and she washed his hands out with soap [and water].

- NAD Broadcaster, February, 1989

Illuminated letter There was deaf neat-nik, she moved into a new house and it was a dusty mess. She gets out the cleaners and garbage bags and goes to work. When she gets to the attic she dusts off a lamp and a genie pops out says, "Oh master what may I grant thee?" The deaf woman signs, "Give me hearing." The genie blink her eyes and the woman can hear.

"This is amazing!" the woman says, "You blink your eyes and now I can hear!" The genie says, "yes that's how it works, you have 2 wishes left what else do you want?"

The now hearing neat-nik says, "well you can clean the house to get rid of all this dust. . ." Another blink and it is done. "The 3rd wish," says the now hearing woman, "i will hold onto for a while."

Then BOOM!!! BANG!!! and various assorted noises, the woman runs downstairs and her kids are fighting and yelling. . . sees her and does the usual sign and talk only she can hear them, its driving her bats, she decides to tell her husband but when she walks into the room he is cursing and swearing and the TV is blaring the radio is going and his friends are hooting. . . oh its just the game honey, he signs. She goes to her job and she can hear the copier, the printer, the people, the traffic and such and she goes back home and the house is a mess. . . she freaks out and tells them that they don't appreciate her. "Just once," she says, "I wish I could have a quiet and a clean house!!!" She sees a blink, all of the sudden she is deaf again and back in her cleaning clothes in her attic. The genie says to her. . . "seems to me this is the only way to grant this wish." The deaf neat-nik says THANK YOU!!!!!

golden marble bulletASL vs. FSL misunderstanding.

golden marble bulletBennett, S. (2002). Deaf in the afternoon: Steve Day.

golden marble bulletCagle, K. M. (2001). 1000 Deaf and ASL jokes and stories. Signs of Development, Inc.

Cook, P. Cookin' with humor. Signs of Development, Inc.

golden marble bullet[Deaf] jokes!

golden marble bulletDeaf jokes mailing list.

golden marble bulletDEAFology 101 - Deaf Culture as seen through the eyes of a Deaf comedian.

golden marble bulletGlickman, K.


golden marble bullet(1999). Deaf proverbs: A proverbial professor's points to ponder. Like all cultures, the Deaf Community has their own truths and sayings that have been passed down from generation to generation. This book presents proverbs from Deaf culture in a witty, fun-to-read collection. It combines many widely known sayings with author Ken Glickman's observations from his own life, offering the reader insights into the worlds of deaf and hearing individuals. The book is a great reference for those wanting to understand Deaf Culture. Available in both hard cover and soft cover versions.
golden marble bullet(1986). DEAFinitions for signlets and more DEAFINITIONS! Written by a Deaf humorist, each book contains words, phrases and crisp, animated illustrations that describe hilarious, sometimes awkward experiences in the shared world of DEAFIES and HEARIES. Great for Deaf culture classes.

golden marble bulletGoff Paris, D. and Drolsbaugh, M. (November 1, 1999). Deaf esprit: Inspiration, humor and wisdom from the Deaf community. AGO Gifts and Publications. ISBN: 0967399807

golden marble bullettvartist.net. Movie clips.

golden marble bulletHodson, L. (1999). Cartoons and comic strips on Deaf humour. Well known to many British Deaf News readers, Len Hodson's cartoons and comic strips are here collected into one volume. They take a humorous look at Deaf Issues and 'Deaf' situations; including as subject matter Deaf culture, television subtitles, hearing aids, cochlear implants, hearing dogs for the Deaf, interpreters, education, BSL classes and many more.

golden marble bulletLangford, D. (1996). The silence of the Langford. NESFA Press. ISBN: 0-915368-62-5, LC 96-69346. Science fiction, but filled with humor.


golden marble bulletReturn to the table of contents for "Humor and stories for interpreters".

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